The Role of Parents in Their Child’s Jiu Jitsu Journey

As a parent and long-time Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practitioner, I understand the desire to support your child's journey on the mat. My two sons, each with their own motivations for training, have taught me how as a parent in jiu jitsu I can walk that delicate line between encouragement and pressure.

Finding that sweet spot between being their support system and a coach is crucial for their long-term love of jiu jitsu. Trust me, you play a crucial role, even from the sidelines.

Be a Parent, Not a Coach

Let's be clear, your role as parents in jiu jitsu isn’t to coach. That's the instructor's job. Resist the urge to shout instructions from the sidelines, even if you’ve trained a bit yourself. It's common when kids first start training for them to look to the sidelines for help when in a bad position. The best think you can do is ignore them and let them figure out the position or get submitted. Let the professionals guide their technique and safety on the mat.

Your well-meaning tips might actually confuse your child or, worse, put them at risk - especially if you have not trained before. Instead, focus on providing encouragement and positive reinforcement. Let your child know that you're proud of their efforts, regardless of whether they win or lose.

Creating a Positive Training Environment for Your Child

A supportive training environment starts with respect. This means respect for the coaches, the other kids, the other parents, and the learning process. I've witnessed the tension that sideline coaching can create, putting unnecessary pressure on the children. Remember, the gym isn’t a battleground where every sparring round equals a win or loss. I promise you the more your child loses in training the better they will become.

Celebrate the effort, the learning moments, the camaraderie, not just the victories. That’s how we, as parents in jiu jitsu, foster a healthy relationship with the sport for our kids. Encourage your child to make friends with their training partners and to view the gym as a fun and supportive community. Encourage your child to tell their training partner how cool their armbar was next time they get caught in one.

Consistency is Key, Burnout is the Enemy

Just like establishing good study habits, creating a consistent training routine for your child is key for their progress. But don't mistake consistency for intensity. Regularly attending jiu jitsu classes is great, but be sure to monitor your child’s energy levels. Pushing too hard can lead to burnout, turning what was once enjoyable into a chore.

Open communication is crucial. Encourage them to talk about their experiences, both good and bad. If they seem overwhelmed or exhausted, allow them to take a break. Remember, the goal is a lifelong love of the art, not burning them out before they’ve even hit their teens.

Focus on Your Child's Individual Progress

It’s easy to get caught up comparing our kids – to their teammates, their siblings, even to ourselves. But in my years as both a father and an athlete, I've learned a valuable lesson: every child learns and grows at their own pace.

My oldest thrives on the thrill of competition. He’s naturally athletic, constantly pushing himself, and competes as much as he can - usually winning or in the finals of every event. On the other hand, my younger son loves the social connections, the pure joy of rolling around on the mat. He has no desire or urge to compete, and doesn't really care if he wins or loses during live rolls in the gym.

Their Jiu Jitsu journeys are as different as their personalities, and that's okay.

Make Sure They are Having Fun

This leads to a fundamental point for parents in jiu jitsu – make sure your child is having FUN. Whether they are laser-focused on winning the next tournament or just like to look cool in their kids bjj gi while having fun and training with friends, enjoyment should be the main priority. If their heart’s not in it, they are less likely to stay engaged.

Support their individual goals, celebrate their efforts, and help them see the value in both victories and losses. By fostering their love for the art, you're not only encouraging a healthy lifestyle but instilling valuable life skills they can use in life. Skills such as discipline, resilience, and respect that will extend far beyond the mat.

Handling Wins and Losses Gracefully

Every time they step on the mat, your child is presented with an opportunity for growth. How they handle both victory and defeat plays a big part in that development. Encourage humility in victory - there's always something to learn, even when they’re on top.

Losing is an inherent part of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. But those losses hold invaluable lessons if your child learns to receive them. They learn to analyze their mistakes, adapt their strategies, and come back stronger and more determined. By framing these experiences as learning opportunities, we teach them invaluable life skills, from perseverance and problem-solving to self-reflection. They begin to view challenges not as setbacks but as steppingstones toward growth.

Conclusion

As parents in jiu jitsu, we need to champion their passion while also recognizing they are individuals forging their own paths. By resisting the urge to micromanage or live vicariously through their progress, we offer the space needed for true, sustainable growth. Remember, it’s about their journey, not your ambitions. Embrace the highs, learn from the lows, and never underestimate the profound impact your unwavering support has on their lives both on and off the mat.